Monday, March 31, 2008

A Friend is a Friend No Matter How Far

I have two informing posts. Really. I just have to finish them. However, it's the last day for a lot of scholarships (and, even though I've done some of them, I'm not going to get to them all before I crash (which will be soon), I ought to be doing), and I'm just worn out. It's been a day of pain for me, but I do have a musing and a recount post to make, so here goes... And I will be revealing personal information (joy!). [ Recount is of Mr.T, which will come... er... tomorrow. ]

A BA Topic that I've actually been considering on doing even before I found the topic.

Online Friends vs. Real Life Friends (and maybe more than friends)

When I looked up 'friend', I got four answers. Two of them made sense in the term that I was looking for: one attached to another by affection or esteem, or a favored companion. By that definition, should one feel affection or esteem for someone, they're their friend.

But would the concept of friendship change should the circumstances of meeting and friendship be different? Back in the days when, in order to be friends with someone, you've met them face to face (as internet did not exist), there was little to question about friendship (unless the degree of it mattered): you just were friends. However, in the modern day and age, the question arises of whether those whom one have never seen could be considered a friend. Whether those whom one have never seen could be missed. Wondering whether it is right to ache for someone, to be bothered by something that bothered them, to be angered by something (or someone) that has upset them.

Yes, it is perfectly natural to develop feelings for someone, even over a long distance, even if you've never seen them before. Despite the arguments some may put up, those one may call their friend online may have been told more ("seen") about one's issues than many in real life. I, personally, would trust my life to the people I know online... which is more than I can say about a lot of the people I know in real life. Those online are people too, and, though grouping together, you've shared both joys and frustrations (think about loot and wipes) with them, which binds you closer together. The longer you know someone, the closer you feel to them. This applies to most situations (or it could be that the longer you know someone, the more you ate them, I suppose), and online ones are no different.

Or, at least, should be no different.

[ Lin being Personal: ON ]

Now, for me... well. Being still young and all, I am open to the concept of online relationships, and have tried it a few times. One main time that comes to mind was with this guy that lived an hour away. Due to circumstances on both ends, although we were "together" for eight months, we only managed to meet about ten times (although each time we were together for the average of eight hours). Two months or so after we drifted so far apart that I had decided to end it (not being able to hold a conversation for more than two minutes was absolutely ridiculous), he mentioned that he was going to drop by and return my stuff. I told him that I missed him (serves me right for letting myself sound vulnerable, but I did). His answer? "How can you miss someone who you've seen a few times?" (or something like that). Which hurt. A lot. Eight months of talking on the phone. Five of those every night. And... in short, it meant nothing to him.

Now, recently (and the event that spurred me to write this post), this other boy and I grew rather close, and talked a lot for a month and a half or so. Then things happened and I wasn't able to play WoW, and the times when I was on, he wasn't. So we drifted. And tonight (because I clearly haven't learned my lesson), I tossed him a call. I' ve felt terribly all day, so was ranting and grumbling more than normal. In one of my few moments of silence, I realized. I really, really missed the odd little things that we shared (such as long "arguments" of nuh-uh/uh-huh, which changed to yes/no, yeah/no, yah-huh/nuh-uhs and other ridiculous (but cutsy) things like that) and mentioned it. (I'm in idiot, clearly). And the response? Eerily close to the other guy's. "How can you miss someone you've never met?" And, again, I was hurt.

How, they ask? Well. Lets see. We've talked lots (communication, yay), "did" things together (personal interaction), spent time together in general, shared problems (and even cried on each other's "shoulder". If the loss of that is not a thing to be mourned, then what is? We clearly had enjoyed each other's company, otherwise we wouldn't have spent so much time together, but yet, it wasn't enough that it ought to be missed. Apparently.

I don't understand it, but I have come to accept it, in a sense... I suppose.

[ Lin being Personal: OFF ]

Just remember: "A person is a person no matter how small" - Horton Hears a Who! comes to mind. Except that it was more "A friend is a friend no matter how far" (thus the title).

1 comment:

Stupid Mage said...

Total and complete bastards I tell you.